


Harry had a twin

by YoullNeverCatchMeAliveSaidHe



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 1: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Boy-Who-Lived Harry Potter, Child Abuse, Gen, Harry Potter Has a Twin, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Orphanage, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Potter Twins, Street Rats, Why Did I Write This?, blind, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-04-23 17:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19155763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoullNeverCatchMeAliveSaidHe/pseuds/YoullNeverCatchMeAliveSaidHe
Summary: Harry has a twin, she's very smart, but she grew up seperate from Harry, in a not so great upbringing. She is also not biologically James' daughter, though Harry is, and they're twins. (Odd but it can actually happen, I checked). She to struggles navigating the wizarding world as not only a Muggle-raised Slytherin but also while blind.Will Hogwarts provide an escape from her horrible Muggle life or will it be even harder? and will she find family there?Not the most scintillating summery, but give it a shot.I'll update tags as I go. No Flames, please be kind.





	1. James and Lilly Potter

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write about harry having a twin, or to write about a smart girl harry, but I didn't want to make a fem!harry story and I didn't want her to be the girl who lived. i basically wanted to write about Lilly and (still unnamed parent) having a daughter and she had a crappy childhood making her smart, and sneaky and tough as old boats. I didn't really want her to be 'the chosen one.'
> 
> Blanket disclaimer on my profile, if you recognise it, its JK's
> 
> I'm thinking of abandoning this and maybe redoing it with harry being the main character and him having a twin, who is the boy who lived. Having harry grown up as a street rat or in an orphanage, and having his childhood shape him into a tuff, smart kid. Maybe it can be made into a wrong boy who lived thing? Thoughts?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning, a Prologue if you will, about how Tiger-Lilly came to be
> 
> This is pretty much an intro and a bit of backstory, but I spent ages on it and I'm pretty pleased

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Australian, and spell accordingly. We spell colour and many other things with a U instead of the American Color.

Tiger-Lilly Potter was born on the thirty-first of July, the fraternal twin of Harry James Potter, daughter of Lily and James Potter, in the middle of the war between the Order of the Phoenix and Lord Voldemort. She was not however, biologically child of James as Harry was. This was a rare enough that when Lily saw baby Harry, a splitting image of James his father, it did not occur to her her daughter would be anything but James's.

The Nurse that delivered the children only told poor Lily later, when James had left the room, that her little girl was of a different father, the secret of a night’s final goodbye to an old friend. The nurse was sworn to secrecy, and Lily never told a soul. With the true identity of her daughter in mind Lilly named her daughter not Tiger-Lilly Potter but something else. Tiger-Lilly, being the compromise they had settled on. James had insisting that his daughter be named after her mother, as his son was named after him, and Lily wanting her daughter to have her own name, but also wanting to keep with the Evens family tradition of being named after flowers. So it was Tiger-Lilly after her mother, but with her own florel spin too it. And her surname, well her surname, was that of her father's. Not that James Potter ever knew this or saw the paperwork. In fact, no one saw it other than Lily and the Nurse. It was whisked away to the ministry of magic archives, in a flash of gold light when Lilly signed it. And everyone just assumed, and Lily, knowing that nothing would ever come of it saw no reason to enlighten her husband.

Little Tiger-Lilly had bright green eyes like her mother and her twin. But that was where the resemblance to her twin ended however. While Harry was almost an image of his father, little Tiger-Lilly was a blend of her parents. She had her mothers dark red hair and green eyes, and her mothers slightly upturned nose. But her thin face, sharp cheekbones, ghostly pail skin, along with her later bony figure and long knobbley fingers and limbs were not entirely like either of Lily or James, they were her fathers. But this didn’t bother either Lilly or James practically much she had her mother’s eyes and the rest of her features were assumed to come indirectly from James's line, probably her grandparents or even greatdrandparents. His own mother Dorea had high cheek bones after all. Tiger-lilly was a gorgeous child if a little solemn, but she was theirs and that was all that mattered. The Potter's loved their children very dearly.

This happy story however, was broken when Lord Voldemort murdered Lily and James. James died to protect his wife and children while Lily died to protect her beloved babies.

"Not my babies, please not my babys!"

"Sand aside silly girl stand aside!"

"Not my babies, please take me instead!"

And then she was gone. Harry wailed while Tiger-Lilly looked on with large sad eyes.

Voldemort then turned his wand on little harry, his true intended victim. Now little Tiger-Lilly, ever solemn, did not cry as her brother did, but cling to him tightly, protectively, she would not be separated from the last of her family. The killing curse aimed at them both (two birds in one stone, Voldemort thought) missed her face narrowly and hit Harry's forehead, as she tried to pull him out of the way. There was a blinding flash of green light and the dark lord exploded in a cloud of black. Little Lilly was thrown out of the crib and into an open cupboard, the force of it, causing the cupboard to bang shut. The ceiling fell in, narrowly missing little harry who has started too howl in earnest now Tiger-Lilly was gone. Harry was unharmed, except for a cut on his forehead. Harry was found by Hagrid.

Lilly was never found by the wizards, presumed to be dead, exploded into oblivion under Voldemort's curse. She wasn't found by Snape who sobbed over the remains of his childhood friend, or by Sirius Black who rushed in as the Fidelius Charm fell. She wasn't found in the house at all. But after being cold and hungry and frightened and in pain for what felt like a very long time, and wishing for her mother, accidental magic appeared her to their grave marker, the closest thing her magic could do now her mother was dead.

A muggle found her crying, blue from the cold, and took her to a Muggle orphanage. She was too old to raise a baby herself. The neighbour didn't know the family, just found a baby, but named her, in some stroke of luck Tiger-Lilly. Tiger after her strength for surviving, and Lilly after the name on the grave marker.

So she grew up as Tiger-Lilly No-Name. The orphanage did not give their charges surnames, as that was up to the family that would later adopt them. So Tiger-Lilly No-Name became her identity, and her magic subtly changed the name on the book of Birth, Deaths & Marriages in the Ministry archives, and in the book of names at Hogwarts, her old name went grey and Tiger-Lilly No-Name was placed below it. This would not be known for years to come though.

Tiger-Lilly, spent the first nine dark and miserable years of her life in the Cokesworth orphanage (and subsequently spent a lot of time on the streets running, hiding, and scrounging for food, or nicking it). She was never anyone special, always alone, never knowing a kind word or loving touch, wondering in her dreams what was missing and why she was so sad.

A strange and quiet child, she was teased, bullied and left out, shaping her to be a weary, watchful child, who did not trust and learnt from a young age not only how to run and hide, and not be seen or heard, but also how to fight when one couldn't get away. She learnt not to pull her punches, to fight tooth and nail, using every dirty trick in the book, using everything she had, especially when the people that picked on her both in the orphanage and on the streets, were bugger and stronger and often meaner than her. That didn't make her mean though. She just learnt that no matter how much her heart hurt, she couldn't squash the kindness out of it, she couldn't stamp out the part of her that hurt, bleed, _felt_. But she learnt that kindness and everything else good must be tempered by a harsh practicality, that kept her alive. She was kind, but cautious, distrustful. She did not give second chances, she did not forgiveand she did not forget. Fool her once, shame on her for not seeing it coming, but no-one fulled her twice.

She never knew anything about her family or legacy. All she knew was she had been abandon by her family, unwanted like all orphans were, and a kindly citizen had found her in a cemetery on a grave named Lilly, which she was named after. Tiger for surviving, and being strong, Lilly for the grave marker. That was her only legacy. She was a survivor, and vowed every day to be as fierce and tough as a Tiger.

Despite the names origins Lilly actually liked it. She may have been teased for having such a freaky name to match freaky things that happened around her, but she liked it. It wasn't much but it was hers, it was the only thing in the whole world that was hers and hers alone.


	2. an inauspicious beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being adopted, Blindness and a Hogwarts letter

By some small miracle, or so the orphanage told Tiger-Lilly, when they bundled her into the car on her 9th birthday, she was being adopted out to a nice looking family; the Andersons. It was a quick adoption, and unknown to her, was a desperate under the table bid to get rid of some of the children that the overcrowded orphanage couldn't afford to feed. Not that that was new, none of the orphans there were strangers to spending more time hungry than not. Winters were cold, harsh and hungry while Summer hot hash and hungry but at least it was easer to scrounge for food in dustbins in summer.

There was no paperwork and no check-ins. The first time she met the Anderson was when she was left on their front porch, not really knowing what was going on (but having her own suspicions) with merely a letter.

She moved into their house and for the first week she was cautiously and suspiciously...not miserable. Just grateful to not be on the streets again. She was fed, and they were not unkind, not warm or kind, but not outright unkind. Their son Chris didn't pick on her, call her names or hit her. But like all things good, it was too good to be true. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. As she entered her second week with them, they were more demanding. She had, in the orphanage, been expected to do many chores, and sometimes the other children's as well. She was used to chores. As soon as she had arrived she had been asked to help with the chores, fair enough, they were housing her and feeding her. Like their own boy, she had to help set the table and help clear up after meals. But soon she was doing this by herself as well as helping with the dishes’s, the meal preparations, cleaning the house and getting the groceries. She hated the grocery shopping, the bags were always so heavy, it hurt her small hands, but she knew better than to complain.

"You should be grateful, and earn your keep!" Mrs Anderson would crow whenever she opened her mouth.

Soon she was taking the garbage out, getting the news paper, collecting the mail, weeding the garden as well as helping cook the meals, it was exhausting. By the 3rd week she was cooking the meals and by the 4th she was doing all the cleaning and grocery shopping by herself. By the 5th week she was doing all the outside chores as well, gardening, painting the fence, cleaning the shed, washing the windows, the gutters and anything else the Andersons required under their harsh critique.

At first Lilly didn’t mind hard work, it kept her busy and she slept better when she was bone tired, too tired to even dream. But the more she had to do the less room for error there was. By the 6th week they seemed to tire of her presence compleatly, and she was ordered to be seen and not heard.

"Young brats will be seen and not heard!"

She was removed from the guest room and sent up the attic. "I need that room back for my sewing," had said.

The attic was dark, dirty and cramped. It was then that she knew that this would not be a happy home, it was not a home at all. Just a place she had to stay. No different from the orphanage, cold and harsh, unhappy to have to put up with her, and nothing she did here, would ever be enough either. She tried to get away, she'd run away a number of times in that first year, but she was always either caught and returned either by the Police, or she would somehow wake up back at the Andersons, despite not being there when she went to sleep, it made no sence.

It had been a blissful dream, the week she has first spent there; she thought one night curled up in a ball in her the back corner of the attic under the eaves. She had managed to make a little space behind all the boxes and junk. There were spiders, and it was hard, and the wood splintery, but she had managed to find an old dog bed, (it didn't smell as if it had ever had a dog in it in its life,) and a ratty old blanket to curl up with, there was even circular vent that she could pop out like a window and crawl out onto the roof. All in all it wasn't wonderful, but it was better than the Orphanage. She didn't have a bed, but she was hard to get too, and the back of the attic would keep her safe and she could sit on the roof at night and look at the stars. No-one could sneak up on her in her sleep here, no-one would wake her up with a thump to the head or beat her up in the night.

As the months turned into a year, she worked hard, stayed quiet and out of the way. She did all the chores she was told, did all her homework getting top grades to try to be the good little girl they wanted but the harder she tried she worse it seemed. There was no point, she learnt after a while, fighting back, or arguing, she didn't have a choice, it was worse if she disobeyed, and there was no point running. If she stray longer than 3 weeks she would end up right back in her attic some how. It didn't seem matter how far she ran, or how well she hid.

It was easer to stay quiet. It wasn't fun, but she grinned and bore it. She stayed out of the way as much as she could, and learnt to go unnoticed, they forgot about her sometimes, and she could sneak out, sometimes for days at a time. There was hell to pay if they noticed though, it was okay for them to forget about her, but not okay for her to run away. She tried to avoid as many beatings as she could, but she took the punishments when she couldn't escape or avoid them and learnt not to cry "Don't you dare cry or I'll give you something to cry about, you ungrateful chit."

She got good at being alert and reading people's moods. She learned to out run Chris, and got better at climbing high, or crawling into small dark low places to hide that most people couldn't fit into. When she couldn't out run him and couldn't hide, she learnt to fight him off, and not get caught for it. It took a lot of brusis (both from chris, the other kids at school, and those on the streets, but she learnt to defend herself and fight back. She taught herself to hide in the library at lunch to avoid notice by the bullies, and taught herself to survive. It wasn't fun, it was hard and lonely and she spent many nights hungry, hurting and shivering (or sweltering in summer) in her little attic corner, or hungry, shivering and terrified on the streets when the Andersons went away and locked her out, or when she was to scared to go home. But she managed, and she survived, and learnt to rely on no-one but her brains.

The streets were both better and worse than the Andersons. On the streets there was a constant threat from strangers, kids and adults alike, but least it was easier sometimes to scrounge or nick food, and she didn't get hurt unless she was caught. At the Anderson she got punished often, whether she was caught doing something wrong or not. At the Andersons she couldn't always out run it, or hide and she couldn't fight back. At the Andersons she seemed to always do something wrong. She got fed semi regularly but never enough and she was always hungry. She learnt to pick the lock on the attic trap door and sneak down into the house at night, to go through the bins and the cupboards, but they noticed if food was missing there'd be hell to pay. If nothing else the Andersons taught her to be sneaky and cunning.

On a morning not long before her 11th birthday Mrs Anderson was banging on the trap door out of the small and cluttered attic. Lilly stumbled to get up wincing as her sore back twinged with the sudden movement. She fumbled to get dressed, struggling to see in the dim light with her poor eyes. Truth be told she was nearly blind, she knew that deep down, but was not ready to admit defeat to such a weakness. She loathed being weak. She needed her eyes. Her cat Septimus came up and rapped himself around her ankles. She lifted him up and scratched his ears. He claimed up and curled around her neck.

 

He had always been able to sense when she struggled to see and had often helped her out when she got lost. He was smart like that.

She went down stares knowing the way without having to see, and starting breakfast hoping against hopes that nothing had been moved around since yesterday. Sometimes Chris would move the things, to get her in trouble. He knew she couldn’t see well, and even if she covered for it, and didn't get caught blundering, it would take her much longer to make breakfast properly, and she'd still get in trouble. He enjoyed watching her get yelled at and pushed about.

Eventually she found what she was looking for and got breakfast on the table just as the Andersons came in for breakfast. She no sooner than she had set the table and put the eggs on the toast, when the bacon started to burn. She hurried to rectify it but too late. Mr Anderson, grabbed the frying pan from her, and she wasn't quite fast enough to duck. It was the 5th time this week she had messed up she thought with a pang as her head swam.

She dreamt of a flying motorbikes; of flashes of green light of a strangely familiar babies cry. She dreamt of the orphanage, of the Andersons. She dreamt of being hurt, hungry and frightened, of being cold and alone. She dreamt of being lonley. The same old.

She woke up in the dark, but when Mrs Anderson banged on the trapdoor, and she stumbled out, it was still dark. She was locked back in the attic for her panic. She stumbled around in the dark, trying to find the little window, and stuck her head out. She blinked furiously and scrubbed at her face trying to clear her eyes. Trying to see! Anything, it was so dark!

But it was no good. She could feel the sun was on her face, and could hear birds but she couldn't see a thing. She tried to sob like she hadn't let herself in years, but no tears came out, her eyes just stung fiercely. God it hurt so much. She just curled up with Septimus in the patch of sun she'd never again be able to see and shook.

When she was let out, the world was still dark.

She stumbled about without a word, trying to find her way, tried her best to behave, not wanting any ‘funny freak business to happen.' But Septimus was there, and helped her as he always had, purring reassuringly on her shoulder, swishing his tail against her back under her shirt to tell her which direction to move it, and meowing in her ear to warm her to stop or that something was in front of her. Once she calmed a little, she realised she knew this house so well, she remembered how to get from place to place and where everything was. It was just the unpredictable things like doors left open in the corridor and chairs to trip over.

They managed to avoid the kitchen chairs left out and the door that opened suddenly into the corridor nearly hitting her in the face, but Septimus Meowed, and she felt the air coming towards her so she jumped back putting her hands up. And then went around the door. She slowly made breakfast making a few mistakes, that earned her a few clouts across the head. But she got there.

She fell over a lot, (and was tripped,) and got yelled at a lot, and teased mercilessly by the other kids, but the Andersons didn't hit her this time, just yelled and repeated her instructions as if she were very slow. It made her blood boil but she bit her lip and dodged a cuff on the back of the head from Chris that she was astounded to feel coming.

By the end of the week she could manage around the house, get to the local, park, school and general store by herself, though she had a lot of trouble finding things in the store without her sight. Though the shop keeper who worked in the morning when she picked up the groceries, who had always been very kind to her, took the time to slowly show her where all the usual groceries were so by Friday she was able to find them herself. She was so embarrassed, that her weakness, her blindness, had been so obvious. But the lady didn't mention it, just took her elbow, ignoring her flinch, and took her down the aisles.

But this new knowledge of how to manage her blindness did not come without a price, it took longer to do go places, to learning places, where things were. It took time to work out, where to go and how to get around. She fell over a lot, tripped over a lot, bumped into people and things a lot. She only managed these places because she’d been there a lot, all her time with Andersons really. But even then it was different, relearning a whole world. But the worse of it was the constant terror, the ignored at her bones and at her gut, all the time, the constant feeling of vulnerability, of not being able to see the next blow coming, of not being about to watch people expressions and body language so she knew when to get out of the way, when to stay out of sight. The fear of not being about to navigate as easily, of constantly being lost and in the dark. Being blind was terrifying, She had never felt so alone, and she had been alone all her life. The world was more frightening and threatening than it had ever been before. And she felt like she was drowning.

At school, it was much the same, but where she had been teased for her lanky slightly greasy hair (she had not been allowed to wash) or her baggy ragged cloths, she was now, tripped more, and pushed into things she couldn't see. She nocked things over more when they were moved and when she struggled to do work she couldn't see they called her, stupid and slow. It made her blood boil, but she held it in, and didn't lash out when she couldn't see who was watching.

She was called slow and moved to a 'special' class. Her 'family' didn't mention her blindness, but she hadn't been good enough to hide it from the teachers. At least the special class let her speak her assignments while she learnt brail.

Things changed one lunch when she had been frightened and tried to jump behind the dumpster outside the kitchens, to hide from Chris and his gang of bullies. She had fallen and in her panic somehow ended up on the roof, with a pop and a squeezing sensation. And when she somehow managed to climb down by following septum's into a nearby tree, she was seen by the other kids and they started chasing her.

The next time she had to ran, trying to feel her way, but she tripped and fell, she was so frightened and they hit her, and it hurt. Unable to escape that she squeezed her useless eyes shut, hopping that maybe she'd manage to be somewhere else again. She heard a bang and they stopped hitting her, she opened her sightless eyes and listened hard, they were yelling, but it was far across the yard. She didn't know what happened but she ran for it. She was expelled later that day for attacking her peers and was punished so badly she was unable to move for a week, not that it mattered, she wasn’t allowed out of her attic much in the months that had followed anyway, and when she was the holidays were almost over, and it would soon be time to start high school. Assuming her foster parents let her go. Assuming the teachers at her new school didn't think she was too stupid for it.

Three days after she had been let out, as she was struggling to find the find the breakfast ingredients, Mrs Anderson entered the room and Lilly immediately just knew that she was angry by the sound of her breathing and hurried footsteps.

“Its another letter about her, it's the 4th day in a row! They sent 16 of them! All the same! The blasted fools!” she exclaimed, all but throwing them on the table.

“burn them and let's lock her up up!” Mr Anderson said

“freak, your funny business is causing trouble, we're being harassed!”

She bit her lip knowing better than speaking.

He grabbed the hot pan, that the bacon had been burning in, and hit her across the head with. She ducked but it still clipped her. She tripped the edge of the stove trying to stay up but burnt her hands.

She heard the letter being opened and wanted to know what it said but knew better than to ask, not that she would be able to get a word out anyway, since the incident with the bacon pan even if she wanted to talk she found her words froze up in her throat.

The next day when she collected the mail she felt 23 letters with unusual seals and heavy paper. The following day there were more, and the day after that and the day after that and after that. On the 6th day, they received 139 letters. Honestly who sent that many, when the first few were ignored did they really think bombarding them with the things would make them anymore inclined to actually respond to whatever the blasted things said?

The Anderson left with Lilly, to get away from the letters. They grumbled about all the trouble she was causing and threatening to dump her Lilly on the streets again. They stopped at a motel, which in the morning had ‘about a hundred and 60’ letters for Lilly in the morning and later that day they drove and drove until they ended up in a small shack in a forest. It had fire place, a bed and a couch. Chris was allowed to sleep on the couch and her 'foster parents' got the bed. Lilly was "very graciously" allowed to sleep on the floor by the back door. She didn't like new places. Septimus helped her to avoid running into the table and fire place and bed by meowing softly before she walked into something and pawing at her shoulder. They were getting better at navigating and getting places and she was very good at understanding what he meant, but even then it was sometimes touch and go.

Lilly sat on the floor near the window with her shoes off. It was late and the Andersons were asleep or she’d never take her shoes off. She could feel the floor better with her feet, she could feel people coming. But she didn’t want to get beaten. Lilly was not really sure how late it was but everything sounded still and she couldn’t sleep. She was contemplating running away again, she'd been on the streets before, but never while blind. But here she'd be less likely to be brought back, maybe it was just in Cokesworth that she alway ended up back or caught. How has that last cop _known_ where she was hiding?

Shivering she looked outside, longing to be able to see the trees. She could hear them rustle and felt a longing for them. She was scared of getting lost though. The world was scarier now she couldn't see, it would be harder to find food, a place to hide and sleep, harder to stay safe, harder to fight off creepy adults or children trying to steal her food or a jacket. She had her knife, in her boats but if she couldn't see them coming... she hated feeling scared, vulnerable and weak. She loathed it.

Maybe if she just sat outside the door? Maybe now would be a good opportunity to get used to navigating on her own in an unfamiliar place in the dark. Everyone was asleep, she could practice as much as she wanted. She felt such a strong longing for the forest. She crept to the back door and ever so slowly opened to the door just enough to slip though. She slipped though and staying against the little shack, breathing in the clear forrest air, listening to the night noises. She loved being outside in the earth, with the trees and animals, especially Septimus.

When she had first found him he was a kitten abandoned on the street and a group of boys were attacking him, poking him with sticks and such. He had cuts and a saw paw. She had smuggled him in the house, and looked after him, hiding him in the attic. Eventually she was found out and locked up for ages, but Septimus wouldn’t go, he kept getting back inside somehow, and Lilly wouldn’t leave him. Eventually the Andersons just ignored him, after trying several times to kick him out, he just kept somehow getting back in.

Longing to feel the tree back under her fingers and hear the leaves over her head, the earth between her toes she stood up. She put her hands out in front of her slightly. Counting her carful measured steps, she took 16 steps forward before Septimus pawed on her shoulder indicating that something was in front of her. She stopped and listened, not hearing any animals, she felt it being a tree would a safe bet. She reached an arm out, nothing. she took another very step forward and felt bark beneath her fingers. She turned around and sat down facing the shack. _18 steps forward and I’ll be back,_ she thought. Satisfied she wouldn’t get lost savoured the feeling of the cool grass beneath her toes and put her face to the sky. Gently stroking Septimus who was now on her lap. Savouring the feeling of the grass under her bear toes and loving it.

She didn’t know how long she stayed like that. Since she'd lost her sight she had slowly gotten some back, she could see light and dark, but not much, just vague blurry shapes, nothing at all at night, and very little other than white burs in the sun, but in perfect conditions, she could make out movement at shapes if the contrast was distinct enough. Most of the time though trying to make sense of it made not only her eyes burn, but her head hurt. So she kept her eyes closed most of the time, her fringe had gown long enough now that it covered them. She'd need to go back inside soon if she was going to, before they woke up, but she really didn't want too. She hated it here, but was life on the streets really any better? Not really, at least she could get an education with the Anderson, even if it was unpleasant, it was probably easer to stay with them that be out on the street, especially nw she was blind. And if she was on the street, eventually they wouldn't take her back, and she'd miss out on an education, with meant no job, with meant no income with meant being on the street for ever. She shuddered. She may hate them, but she'd have to sit it out.

She walked back slowly feeling around for the handle before creeping back in and lying down on the floor curling up with Septimus and drifted off to sleep.

Lilly was woken to the sound of a sharp rapping on the door. It was cold, and the air still. And as she tilted her head to the door, she could hear the birds, all the could see was a dim dark grey fog. Chris was snorting on the couch and the Anderson in the bed, groaning, and a rustle of fabric. She stood up and lifted Septimus onto her shoulder as Mrs Anderson yelled at her to get shoes on and find breakfast.

Panic filled her as she put her shoes on reluctantly, wondering where she would find it, in a shack she didn’t know, where she didn’t know if they had brought food. Her panic was interrupted by another loud bang on the door. Who was it?

“Who’s that!” Mrs Anderson shrieked to Mr Anderson, “have they found us? The freaks?”

Lilly stepped back and slid sideways against the wall into the corner as the stranger outside banged on the door again, before it opened.

Lilly could see a dark blur in the door way and heard sure steady footsteps though they were quiet. The moment he entered Lilly felt a cold air from out side and the man seemed large and warm, though she could not see him.

“You Tiger-lilly?” a large male voice said, she nodded.

“W-w-hat do you w-w-want?” Mrs Anderson stuttered rudely, with what Lilly thought may have been a hint of fear.

“She ain't been replying to her letters, she has been offered a place in Hogwarts.”

“Your one of those freaks from that letter!” Mrs Anderson shrieked.

“Oi, that's not very polite, I am here to deliver your daughter her letter, she’s been offered a place at school, the best of its kind.” The man said, his voice loud and booming. He sounded big.

Not wanting to be yelled at in front of this stranger, Lilly crept out from where she had crouched near the back wall and carefully stepped towards where the mans voice was.

“There ye are, I have come to offer you a place at Hogwarts, my name is Hagrid.” He said to her. He held his hand out, but she didn't see it, and though she felt a slight movement in the air, did recognise it.

she nodded pointing her face down, so he wouldn't see her eyes, she didn't know what they looked like now, but she was terrified of anyone finding out. She stroked Sempimus’s ears to calm herself.

“Well Lilly, as I said you got a place at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and wizardry. Your a witch.” Hagrid said to her.

Lilly took a step back, offended, she'd been insulted before, but not that creatively and he said it as if it was a good thing! Being a freak meant punishment.

Hagrid saw this and said, “It is not a bad thing, there are many like you, from non magical families, all of whom come to learn at Hogwarts with youngsters their own age who are just like them. You’ll be taught by Albus Dumbledore greatest wizard of the age”

“We’re not playing for her to be taught rubbish with a bunch of idiotic fools!” Mr Anderson yelled.

“Never insult Dumbledore in front of me,” he boomed, “and it is up to Lilly, so shut up”

“There’s nothing to understand, you're a bunch of lunatics! Leave us alone, we want nothing to do with you.”

“Anderson!” he boomed again, Lilly cringed and stepped back several paces, the Andersons did too and stumbled sat on the moth eaten couch. She backed into a corner, bending down to grab her knife from her boot and palmed it.

“Come here.” Hagrid said softy though his voice was still loud in her ears,

She did so, hiding her reluctance with a practiced perfectly blank face that was second nature. She knew better than to disobey, knew better than to show her feelings, it was for weakness, but she was light on her feet and didn't get too close, out of reach of the large man, hagrid, her knife in her hand behind her back slightly.

“Lilly, you ever done something strange or unusual, or something unexplainable happen to you when you were scared or upset?” Hagrid asked, and Lilly could sense he was looking her strait in the eye. She looked at the ground, cradling Septimus tightly in one arm. She thought about it. That time she ended up on the roof, the time she'd done it again, the time she'd grown her hair. Is that what it was Magic? She wondered if she could do it again. What a useful skill that would be. She nodded, a small jerk of the head in the affirmative.

“that’s magic, Tiger-Lilly, you are a witch.”

Lilly still wasn't’ sure she believed him but as she thought about it, how else could Septimus have healed when Mr Anderson had stepped on him when furious? She'd been so scared! He has been so angry at Lilly, and had punished her. She couldn’t move to save Septimus in time, she was hurt and Septimus still hadn’t recovered from what the children in the park had done to him. Mr Anderson had stepped on him. Lilly had been so upset and scared she had put her hands over her ears and screamed and screamed. Things began to rattle and shake. As soon as Mr Anderson left she crawled to Septimus and hugged him to her and cried herself to sleep unable to fix his broken body. Miraculously in the morning, he was healed. They had been close companions ever since, and Septimus was good at staying out of sight, out of the way of the Andersons. How else could he have been healed, how else could she have ended up at the top of the tree in the school yard when running away form Chris before she had learned to fight back? Magic. It was magic. If it was magic before, it meant she could do it again. If she had magic being blind didn't mean she was defenceless. She gripped her knife harder, her fingers tingled. She nodded her head. A short sharp jerk of her head.

 

“Hogwarts is taught by Albus Dumbledore the best wizard and headmaster Britain has ever seen. It is for young people like you to learn. You'll want to come to school at Hogwarts so you can learn to control your magic with other youngsters like you.”

It didn’t sound so bad to Lilly, at least she’d get to be away from the Andersons for a bit, though then again they’d be new people and a new place to deal with.... But anything was better than here. She nodded again, and he continued “Hogwarts is a boarding school so you’ll only be able to come home for the Christmas, easter and summer holidays. But finally here’s your letter”

That, was quite possibly the best thing, Lilly had heard in a long time, she'd be free for months at a time, with a bed, and food, and they Andersons wouldn't be able to get too her. They’d not be able to punish her then, she felt hope for the first time in a long time. Her heart fell though when she looked at the letter realising she couldn’t read it. Panicking not wanting this new person to know she was a freak, she felt for the envelope opening and opened the letter. The paper was thick and smooth and she could feel a thick seal on it, later when examining it she’d discover the large letter H.

The opened the parchment and hoping it was the right way up, she pretended to read it. She didn't want them changing their mind, and kicking her out, when they found out she was blind. She wanted to go to Hogwarts. If being a witch meant she wasn’t as much of a freak as she thought, or at least there were other freaks like her, where she could learn, and get away from the Andersons, she wanted to go. She could feel indents in the paper, as if the pen had pressed firmly or scratched, but she couldn't make sense of it and she wasn't sure if magic could make it into brail. Would wishing it hard enough work?

“She’s not going!” Mr Anderson said, “we’re not paying for her to go to this idiot school!”

“A great muggle like you ain't stoppin’ ‘er if she wants to go, it is an important part of her growin’ up. There's a scholarship for Muggleborn like her.”

Lilly felt hope kindle in her chest once more, she could feel everyones eyes on her.

She shivered under the weight of the gaze, she wanted to go, to get away from the Andersons, to be with people like her, though the thought of meeting people frighted her intensely. She wanted freedom, she liked the idea of magic.

“If she wants to go I’ll take her to get her school supplies and will return her to you in the evenin’ to your normal residence.” Hagrid said and as Lilly nodded slightly more enthusiastically, he leaded the way out of the shack.

Feeling both hopeful but also very frighted of this big man that she didn’t know she followed him with great apprehension, but still knew what ever would happen today could not be any worse than what what she was used to. Placing Septimus around her shoulders again, she hurried to follow him, being sure though to keep a safe distance between them. At lest she wasn't having less trouble following him due to how loud he's footsteps were. Thankfully Septimus would paw at her shoulders when she was about to trip or bump into something. After a while the sounds of the his footsteps stoped. Lilly stopped and looked around franticly. She could hear cars and people.

"We’re catchin’ the train now to London, thats were well get ye school supplies,"

They got on the train, Lilly having trouble again keeping track of him in the crowded station and had difficulty navigating her way, she fell a few times, but after the second time, Hagrid pulled her up by the back of her shirt, and grabbed her hand, pulling her along, it was both easier and harder. She had to run to keep up, he seemed to sneeze a lot near her, and she was in constantly tripping and falling. But soon they were off the train and walking into a crowded room, which the sounds of a lot of people.

“This is the Leaky Caldron one of the ways to enter Diagon Ally, off Muggle Charing Cross Road” Hagrid said leading her though the pub into the light again, there was the sound of tapping and a grating of brick on brick as the wall in-front of her opened up. It felt funny, tingly, she wasn't sure what to make of it. Was that what magic felt like. She was assaulted by a lot of noise and could hear the bustling and chatter of hundreds of people. It wasn’t a malicious sound, but it still frighted her.

Hagrid might have noticed her hesitation and reluctance to move into the noise, for he said, “Welcome to Diagon Ally,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not blind my self, apologies if I get things wrong, or unintentionally offend anyone who is blind. I have tried to research it, to make it somewhat realistic and unintentional. If anyone things she copes with it too easily, remember magic.


	3. Diagon Ally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diagon Ally and leaving for Kings Cross

"We’ll find all your school things here, I’ll show you.” Hagrid continued in a soft and kind voice. It only did a little to ease her fears however.

“You're a shy one arn’t you? Come one, it will be fine,” he spoke still in the soft voice he used on small frighted animals. He didn’t question it, just tried to reassure her. He put his hand on her back, making her jump and wince, and nearly topple, and he guided her (a little more slowly now, thankfully) though the crowd.

Patting Septimus’s head she went along, her face a natural blank mask hiding her fear and in-trepidation. She could see so many blurs of different shades of bland grey colours, in the bright light that hurt her eyes, she couldn't make any sense of it. She wondered what it looked like. It smelt different here, the air was cleaner some how, crisper, with odd smells she didn't recognise, and there was an odd anergy in the air. Everything was so noisy it was overwhelming, she didn’t like it and clung to Septimus wanting to feel safe. She stumbled along with Hagrid until they came to a halt.

“This is Madim Malkinds, I don’t fit in so I’m going to go yet your school books,” Hagrid said.

She didn’t have any money and she didn’t know how to say it, but somehow Hagrid guessed and said, ‘It’s okay, I’ve been given some from Dumbledore for complications like this. Here, the gold ones are Gallions, the silver ones Sickles and the Bronze ones are Knuts. Its wizard money you can use to pay for your robes.” Hagrid explained handing her some coins, “and don’t feel bad for being landed with such rotten muggle parents, it's not your fault, that they're so against normal life.”

'There not my parents' she thought fiercely but said nothing, and just stopped and started at Hagrid, a little shocked at his kindness.

 

She took the money Hagrid was giving her and stepped forward as he walked back down the street to get her school books. Reaching out she felt glass in front of her and moved to the side feeling for the door way.

“Hello deary, off to Hogwarts?” a high middle aged voice said from beside her, she wheeled around to face the noise.

She nodded.

“come this way,” the lady said “step onto the stool and I’ll start measuring you.”

Lilly looked around but couldn’t really figure out what was the stool she was meant to be standing on. She stepped forward uncertainly and septum’s tail flicked around her right shoulder she took a step to the right, his tail flicked again, then he batted her shoulder, she stepped right again then stood up to find her self on the stool. They were getting good at this.

Oh god, how was she going to afford it, did she have enough? Did they have cheep or second hand robes? She rubbed her clammy hands on her pants.

“right arms out, oh you’ll want to put the cat down for the moment.” Madam Malkin said.

With extreme reluctance she put Septimus on the floor, but he jumped up and sat on her feet.

Madame Malkin tutted but said nothing.

She was measured and fitted and soon enough she was paying for her robes.

"8 Gallions, 11 Sickles and 3 Knuts," she told Lilly wrapping up her robes. Lilly pulled out the money and examined the coins, she didn't know which was which. She put some on the counter, a few big ones Madam Malkin must of seen her confusion as she said, the big ones are Gallions, you want 8 of them, 11 of the smaller sickles and 3 of the little hexagonal knuts. That helped, she felt around for 8 large circle coins, and then counted 11 smaller circles, and finally 3 of the small angular ones, before exiting the shop with Septimus on her shoulder, a package in her arms, and a small sense of achievement inside.

Hagrid was waiting for her with her books. They then went to a spicy smelling shop that felt oddly tingly. It didn't make any sense at all but Lilly found it oddly calming. She wondered in side and went strait to a wall that smelt musty and a little spicy. She reached out a hand, but stoped before she touched anything. These things on the shelves each smelt different and felt different, some felt powerful, some dark, some strong, some felt drowsy, some felt clean, as if it could cue any poison. It was wonderfull. It was amazing, it felt full of energy, old energy, of potential, each thing smelt different and just felt different. They brought her scales, files, a caldron and a potions kit and left.

Last after getting all her supplied they walked to anther shop. Hagrid waited outside while Lilly when in, it was small and dusty and felt tingly like the apothecary, but in a slightly different way.

A noise in the back of the shop made Lilly world around frightened.

“well well well,” a soft voice said making shivers go up Lilly’s spine, “I wondered when I’d be seeing you. "I'm Garick Ollivander if course”

“wand arm?” he continued.

She tilted her head to the side, confused, “what hand do you right with?”

She held out her left, he hummed.

She felt cloth on her hand and twisted away before it moved her shoulders. She realised it was a measuring tape and calmed down as it did ordinary measurements.

Ollivander said, “stop,” as it moved about her face and she tried to stab it with her knife, desperate to get it away from her eyes in panic, not her eyes!

She just heard his quiet footsteps as he came up to her and stopped in front of her. She wasn’t sure what he wanted.

“well give it a wave.” He said.

She frowned slightly, not really sure what was going on, but slowly reached out, wondering if he was holding something out.

Ollivander hummed, "ahh," she glared at him, and he placed a piece of smooth wood in her hand. What was it? Magic. Wands. Of course!

She held it but no sooner than she had held it that it was pulled out of her hand and replaced with another. She didn't feel anything but gave it a flick. Nothing happened. It was replaced with another, feeling foolish she gave it another small flick, and herd the sound of boxes falling. She jumped. Had she done that?

Another wand, another flick, another noise. Some made noise, some felt funny, hot, or cold or just plane wrong. Over and over and over the wand in her hand was replaced.

"Well not dragon heartstring cores then" he muttered handing her another, it felt odd, and she flicked it and something caught fire, the next few wands got the same results.

One felt hot and angry before she'd even held it and she shook her head and pulled her hands back, she wasn't touching that.

"interesting, not phonic feather either, I had wondered about that last one maybe, but not to be."

He disappeared for a moment, then came back "Let's try some unicorn hairs next” Ollivander said in an almost cheerful voice.

Wand after wand after wand, the unicorn wants felt better but not by much. One let out an explosive bang making her topple in fright and one was so cold it burned, she dropped it with start, and glared sightlessly at Ollivander.

"well well nice and tricky... not to worry. Wand chooses the Witch."

The next caused glass to shatter, one made a high pitched whistle that made her wince and drop it clapping her hands over her ears, one sparked into her hand with a burn, and just when she was starting to dispear, the next on he placed in her hands was so smooth and warm. yes, this one, she thought, this one was made for her.

It bussed with a smooth chocolaty rich energy, she loved it. It felt right in her hand. She didn't care what Ollivander said, she wasn't letting this one go. Warm air whipped around her, lifting her hair, causing it to fly around her face, she couldn't hold back a grin. It stretched her cheeks in an unfamiliar way but she didn't care. She gave it a wave and there was a change of light in front of her eyes, that she could almost see, just for a glorious moment, before the world went dark again. The wand felt tingly and alive in her hand. It was lovely. She gripped it tightly, and looked fierce at Ollivander, she wasn't letting this one go.

“Interesting interesting, 10 ½ inches Willow, Oak and Hornbeam, unicorn tail hair. Supple but strong. An unusual wood combination I only made one, the trees were growing together intertwined. Yes this will be interesting, it was a partially stubborn old unicorn mare too, that one, refused to give me more than two hairs. The other one, is dead now of course, it didn't outlive its owner”

The door opened and several other people came in talking animatedly. “it is 10 galleons,” Ollivander said, “I placed a sheet of paper in the box that has more of its wandlore that you can read later.” She thanked him and payed for her wand, having less trouble now. She went out side again.

Hagrid took her back to her to get her trunk then back on the train station, they got off he said at kings cross and got on a buss, and then walked from there to the Andersons house. She made sure to count the steps, memorise the feel of the pavement, the streets they passed and the turns they made, hopping against hope to manage to find her way back. He gave her a small envelope, saying, “here’s your ticket, kings cross platform 9¾ the train leaves at 11 o’clock.” Then he left.

Her reception as soon he left was not good. She was punished and locked in her attic. For a long time.

The more days that passed until she was due to go to Hogwarts, the more anxious she became. It got to the point that she couldn’t concentrate on her chores, or on the food she cooked. She burnt things, spilt things and made mistakes. She had no appetite, not that they really fed her much anyway. She couldn’t read her books, she didn’t know how to get to the station, and she didn’t know anything about the wizarding world or where even the platform was. She’d never been to a train station in her life.

So she distracted herself, with magic She couldn't read her books but Hagrid has said she was magic, so maybe she could do something again. She'd healed Septum's maybe she could heal her eyes. It didn't work, but she did manage call up the funny feeling of warmth she had in Ollivander's shop, when she found her wand. She managed to call it up again. That must be way magic felt like. If she could get it into her hands maybe she could do something with it.

She couldn't heal her eyes, but she did manage to find her magic in herself, when she spent long hours alone in the attic trying to sleep. It was a warm pool of fire burning inside her. She managed to push it into her head to stop her eyes hurting, but she couldn't bring back her sight. She could numb her burns and hurts, but she couldn't heal them. It was tiring working magic, but she could move it into her hands and into a thing that she touched, like the lock on the attic door, (so she could sneak into the kitchen that night for some food.) She managed to use her magic to heat up her skin she she didn't freeze at night, and managed to use it to cool her down when she was outside sweltering in the sun.

She did manage to make her hair grow, pushing the magic from her centre and coxing it ip to her head and willing it to make her hair longer, it worked, and she managed to concentrate and make her fringe a bit thicker and a little longer so she could tuck most of it behind her ears, but the shorter centre bangs fell over her eyes. She didn't know what they looked like now, would they be white, of even black? Did they look any different at all? She didn't know, and couldn't tell, but she didn't want anyone to know. It should hide her eyes enough that people wouldn't see them, but not so much that they would ask questions or think it weird.

She also managed to re grow the thumb nail she'd lost when Chris slammed the door on her the other week.

She figured out how to push magic down in to her hands and feet and get an impression of what was around her, it wasn't much, but it helped a bit, especially when trying to clean up things that had spilt.

She also managed to pop into the back yard, when she tried to repeat what ever she had done to end up on the roof. That had exhausted her, but after a lot of practice she could do it. It was exhausting and very uncomfortable, the pressure of it made her eyes burn for hours before she managed to conjure up enough magic inside her to make them stop hurting. But she did it. It was loud at first but after getting a beating twice for waking the Andersons, she learnt to do it silently. She would never be trapped again. It was a giddy feeling, knowing magic was her freedom, and was at her fingertips. She spun around on her toes laughing silently with the joy of it.

September the first was getting closer and closer, she was so excited She had packed what little she owned, a three ragged changes of clothing from a second hand shop, a towel, night gown, a thin coat, and a ratty knee rug, only for them to be locked in the basement. She could undo locks now, but she was still worried they wouldn't let her out. She was worried of not knowing anything about anything, and once again being teased the week leading up to September the first was hard, doing chores and was not allowed out of the house, not allowed much to ear, not allowed to look at her school things. The closer to September the first she got, the more worried she got about how she was going to get to kings cross. She had no idea how to get to Kings cross station by herself let along, steal her trunk back of the Andersons basement or where the station was. She was very frightened.

That night she slept badly, and soon woke up, unable to go to sleep. She had no idea what time she was meant to be at the station, she couldn’t read the ticket, and she didn’t know what time it was, but she could tell it was still night time. She’d heard an owl outside. She got up and carefully dressed. Using her hands she pushed her magic down her hairpin lock picks into the lock, it silently clicked open. She crept out of the attic and down stairs, with Septimus, to the basement.

It was locked. She pushed magic into down her lock picks again into the lock, she felt it click softly open. She stopped, listening, no sounds from upstairs. She dragged her trunk out. It was very heavy. She managed to get it to the edge of the stairs, where she opened it and put her clothes in. But the stairs were harder. There were ten. Each one made a thump noise, though she tried to lift as much as she could, it was still loud.

Her heart was racing, her breath shallow, her head spinning and pounding. She was so scared. A door upstairs creaked open. She jumped and panicked gripping Septimus and her trunk and pulled at her magic, there was a squeezing sensation and a soft pop.

She opened her eyes and though she couldn’t see. She put her hand out. A fence. A wooden fence with heart shaped edges. Like the one at the end of the street. She had to turn left, and pass three streets and turn right, and she'd be at the bus stop.

She set off half dragging half lifting her trunk. It was so heavy, could she make it lighter? she coaxed magic up and into her hands and willed it into her trunk, _lighter, lighter, lighter, please make it lighter._ It wasn't a huge difference, but it helped a bit. Slowly she began to hear more cars and time past and soon she reached the bus stop. She dragged her trunk over and felt around for a seat, Septimus pawing at her shoulder and meowing to tell her were it was. She waited for a moment catching her breath, then got up and kept dragging her trunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably won't be able to post the next chapter for another few days, its written, but I still need to proof it.


	4. Getting to Hogwarts

A deep rumbling noise of the bus approaching woke her from a light dose. It stopped in front of her with a sharp high beep. The bus. She dragged her trunk to the step and hopped on.

“where ya goin?” the man said

She stuttered and noting came out.

“got a ticket?” he asked.

She panicked having forgotten about a ticket, how did she get a ticket.

“2 pound to kings cross” he said gruffly, and she realised she didn’t have any money, she started trembling slightly, with no ticket how did she get to school? She felt around in her pockets, she had filched a note from the kitchen that earlier evening.

She held it out.

He grunted, “fine, sit down. Don't forget your change”

She reached out a hand and he dropped a note and some coins on it, she shoved them into her pocket. She walked forward, one hand on the trunk on out till it felt the edge of a seat, she could hear someone breathing, she walked forward, feeling Septimus’s tail in the middle of her back, telling her she should go forward. 5 steps, it twitched to the left she moved left, hearing no breathing next to her, she put her hand out and felt an empty seat, she sat down. A shift of her leg told her there was no one in front of her so she moved her trunk out of the isle and in front of her feet. She had made it. She let out a soft huff of relief. Two steps down. She just had to find the station, and the platform.

She fell asleep.

“Kings cross.” The driver called out, startling her awake.

She got up and with Septimus’s help made it to the front of the bus.

“K-kkk-kings cross?” she stuttered forcing the words out, her voice cracking from disuse.

He sighed “Cross the road to your left, end of the street, turn left, its first big sign. Lots of people hard to miss at this time of day,” he said

She got off shaking, listening carefully to cars and walked forward. Septimus meowed in her ear so she lifted her foot and her feet found the side walk. Dragging her trunk, she stepped forward, being bumped by people now, she walked till she found the other side of the side walk, a wall. Flinching as she was bumped and jostled, she tried not to cry out, very frighted, and hurting as people pushed her cuts and bruises.

She felt people turning in front of her and followed them, as Septimus meowed pawing at her left shoulder. She felt claustrophobic, unable to walk against a wall as they were all open shop fronts of cafe’s she’d nearly walked into a table several times, and was now relying only on Septimus’s directions from her shoulder and he didn't know where they were going either. She was shaking with panic the only thing keeping her focused was her Septimus’s ear twitching against hers as she dragged her trunk with both her hands.

Soon he was pawing at her shoulder again and she turned left, and the sound from the street changed. She could hear trains in the distance.

Now she was truly lost, she could guess what a street would be like, but she had no idea of the layout of a train station. How would she find platform 9 ¾? She picked a direction following the sound of people, she could hear them talking about train lines and plat forms. One talked about platform 8. That must be close, so she followed the voice, and the sharp heels. But she lost them pretty soon when she was nocked sharply to the ground by something large. She landed on the floor separated from her trunk and Septimus. Feeling very frighted she listened, sure enough Septimus meow’ed and she could follow the sound towards her trunk and be beloved cat. No sooner had she picked up her cat, did big hands grab her ruffly saying, “Are you lost, what you looking for?”

Her face blank to the fear she felt inside for her ticket and held it out.

She herd the man snort, “you think you're being funny, there’s no such thing. Get out of here, before I call the cops.”

She scampered. She knew that voice, that was the voice of adult who didn't care for kids and were not above making trouble for you. That was voice you stayed away from. Wondering if she would ever find it and if it had all being some cruel joke, she wondered around listening to the crowds conversation trying to find the platform. Soon her harms were aching from lugging her trunk around and her empty stomach was rolling painfully, making her head spin. She sat down against a wall. As many people went by, clocks chimed, crowds bustled, and she worried that it had all been a joke, a made up tail, to tease, her what were the Andersons going to say.

The voice of a women walking past court her attention, “to Hogwarts next year, just be patient.”

Lilly's head wipped around to the direction of the voice, and called out, “Hogwarts?” she called out. Her voice cracked again, and she didn't think she had been heard but the footsteps stopped and a the voice of a young girl said, “you going to Hogwarts too?”

Lilly nodded.

“Oh Merlin dear you’ve missed the train!” the kind womens voice said

Lillys heart sank.

“you must be a first year, where are your parents?” The women said in a kind voice.

She didn’t say anything, just shook her head.

“well come with us, we’ll send an owl to Dumbledore, and let him know we’ve found you. I’m Mrs Weasley and this is Ginny. What's your name dear?"

"T-t-tiger-l-lilly" she managed to stutter out before her voice dried up again. She hatted talking when people could hear her.

"Lovely to meet you dear, let me take your trunk dear and we'll get you to Hogwarts no problem”

She let go of her trunk a little shell shocked. There was a rustle, and a swish, another rustling sound.

A small hand grabbed hers, making her jump, “come on,” a girl’s, Ginny’s, voice said.

Lilly didn’t say anything but let Ginny drag her along, what other choice did she have. She was confused, scared and exhausted.

They got into a car and drove out of the city onto a gravel road, and into a quieter area of the country side. When Lilly got out the ground was soft, like grass, and she could hear clucking. It felt good to know there was grass underfoot. She could feel magic in the air, in the ground. It felt different here. The air smelt fresh and clean and it seemed to energise her a little. “Come on dear, mind the chickens.” Mrs Weasley said, walking off. Lilly followed the sounds of her and Ginny’s footsteps, narrowly avoiding tripping on a hen she hadn't heard, and then up the steps before ginny took her hand again and lead her inside.

Inside it was cool against the summer air and had a comfortable homey feel to it, it smelt clean and warm, loved. And it hummed with magic, she could feel it in the floor in the walls, it was everywhere. She liked it immediately and she heard a soft thump as her trunk was put down by the door. She walked slowly unsure of the layout, following Ginny’s foot steps, and relying heavily on Septimus to point her in the right direction. It was slow going, and for a moment she lost the sound of Ginny’s voice. But just as she started to feel lost, Ginny’s footsteps approached and her hand was grabbed again and she was pulled along.

“Would you like some lunch dear? You look awfully pail.” Mrs Weasley said in that kind voice of hers.

Lilly restrained a flinch but nodded hesitantly.

“I’ll make some sandwiches, I just need to sent this owl off the Hogwarts.” Lilly heard the scratching of pen on parchment then a soft tired screech of an owl and a fluttering of wings. With mutterings and Latin words and a switching she presumed was a wand and dishes clattered on the table and bread sounded like it was chopping itself. She goggled.

Lilly stood there listening to Mrs Weasley make lunch and Ginny get some pumpkin juice for them and set the kitchen table. Stunned. She hadn’t been expected to do it all, she went to try to set the table and Ginny took the cutlery from her hands and pushed her onto a chair, “your a guest! Don’t worry about it.”

While they ate Mrs Weasley and Ginny talked about getting school things for Ginny, who was to start her last year in primary school before going to Hogwarts next year. The sandwiches and the pumpkin juice (she’d never known existed) were the best meal she had ever had, part of it possibly being the fact she couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten. And for the first time in longer than she could remember she felt full.

“Let’s go play in the garden,” Ginny said after lunch, grabbing her hand again and pulling her out side. She almost walked into the door, if not be for Septimus’s soft meow, and would have fell down the steps despite feeling Ginnys hand moove. But funny just took her elbow, and steadied her before, linking are with her.

“Come on,” Ginny’s said, and Lilly sagged with relief that she hadn't noticed her blindness, “There’s a great tree to climbing tree over the hedge, wanna clime it?”

Lilly nodded, followed Ginny across the grass.

Lilly didn't say anything but ginny seemed more than happy with filling the silence. She chatted about her family and how they were all witches and wizards, about brothers who had left Hogwarts, and who were going off to Hogwarts.

" I have six older brothers. I’m the only girl and the youngest. All of them are now at Hogwarts or have left, if you're a first year, you’ll be in the same year as my brother Ron.”

Lilly said nothing a funny feeling in her stomach she had trouble identifying. Loss? Sorrow pain? Some that was once but was no more. She felt something of a familiar nightmare of death swimming to the front of her mind.

“What house do you want to be in? I want to be in Gryffindor! My whole family is in Gryffindor,” Ginny asked then continued to explain the houses, "you look new you must be muggle born, having lost the plat form. Lilly nodded.

“school houses silly. There are four, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin. My family are all in Gryffindor, where dwell the loyal and brave of heart, Hufflepuff’s are kind but considered stupid or so my brothers say, I reckon that's stupid, Ravenclaw’s are smart and slithering are cunning, and nearly all of them are evil according to my brother. But they can't all be evil or they'd just aren't anyone who went into Slytherin, so they must all be bad, maybe just some of them. You-know-who was from Slytherin.” Ginny finished

Lilly felt stumped, who?

“you don’t know?”

She shook her head.

“well he’s a very bad wizard who killed and hurt a lot of people, he’s evil! But he’s dead now. He tried to kill Harry Potter, but he couldn’t so, and he’s dead now and Harry's famous, he's the boy who lived!” Ginny said in a slightly awed voice. Potter, the name rang a bell in the back of her mind.

“Harry potters famous, for killing he-who-must-not-be-named, he's the boy who lived. Because is the only one to survive the killing curse, even his parents died. But no-one says the name because its too scary, since you don’t know I’ll tell you but don’t tell anyone okay?"

Lilly nodded and Ginny whispered very quietly, “Voldemort.”

Lilly felt her shiver.

"Even the name is scary, if he’s from Slytherin and he hurt and killed people, I defiantly do not want to be in his house, my family are all Gryffindors so I'll probably be sorted into that house, but I guess if you get sorted there, don't worry about it too much. They can't all be bad, and you seem nice enough. It will be nice to know someone other than my brothers, and you might be in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor or Hufflepuff too." Ginny continued.

“Hey want to make cupcakes?” Ginny said suddenly changing the subject excitedly.

Lilly nodded and the climbed down from the tree. And let Ginny lead them inside at a run.

Mrs Weasley helped them pull out the ingredients and got them set up at the table, Ginny and Lilly carefully mixed the cake ingredients under Mrs Weasley’s watchful eye and they soon had it in the oven and the house slowly filled with the scent of cupcakes. Lilly found it strangely pleasant making food because she could, not because she had to. It was much more fun, with Ginny and Mrs Weasley with out the Andersons breathing down her neck.

Later after chasing their cat for a bit and playing around the house they iced the cup cakes. Lilly dozed off on the kitchen chair thinking of how much fun it was to be able to play with someone her age, who seemed to like her and be very friendly in a house where so far she hadn’t been hurt at all.

She woke with a start not knowing where she was, with someone shaking her shoulder. It was Mrs Weasley, “come on dear wake up, it’s time for you to go.”

Lilly got up and reached out for Septimus who was sitting on her feet. He curled up around her neck.

“I put some cup cakes in a container for you, a 2 in a paper bag for the journey. ”

She heard Ginny’s footsteps approaching and as Mrs Weasley’s retreating.

“Come on!” said Ginny, “there’s a professor waiting for you at the door!” she pulled her towards the door.

“Tiger-Lilly this is Professor Snape. He is one of your teachers at Hogwarts he will be taking you to school. Professor, she got lost in the station, all by herself, you will look after her and take her safely to Hogwarts won’t you?” Mrs Weasley said and Lilly could hear a hard and serious note in her voice as she got worried. She wondered why, worried, she hopped she hadn't done anything wrong.

“Of course,” said a cool voice.

 

While his voice sounded cool, and his presence did feel cool and detached somehow, he did not feel dangerous or unsafe like the Andersons did, or some of the street people did. She felt oddly comfortable with him, though still wary and shy, she stood with Ginny behind Mrs Weasley. She felt safe here at the burrow and didn’t really want to leave.

“You should go and put on your school robes before we leave,” he said.

Lilly carefully got out her school robes, carful not to displace anything so she could still find it later, and went into the next room to done her robes. She put the box of cup cakes in her trunk. Picking up Septimus she headed back into the hall.

“Are you ready to leave?” he asked and she felt he was addressing her directly.

She nodded and she held out a cupcake to him from the bag Mrs Weasley had given her, wanting to share their creations, she’d never had anything to share or anyone to share it with.

Mrs Weasley must have glared at him behind her back because he took it and said, “thank you,” in a rather awkward voice. She then handed the other to ginny.

"Thank you," she said, trying to keep her voice steady, but it only came out as a whisper.

Ginny hugged her tightly which suppressed Lilly she couldn’t remember the ever being hugged before.

“Well we hope you have a good year Tiger-Lilly dear, you are welcome back here any time.” Mrs Weasley said giving her a tight hug, gosh two in one day.

“You have to write and tell me what’s happening at Hogwarts, my brothers don’t write enough,” Ginny said excitedly, “it will be so brilliant!”

Lilly nodded, she didn't know how she'd manage it but she'd figure it out.

Ginny hugged Lilly tightly again saying good bye. Lilly remember to hug her back this time.

Lilly couldn't find her voice, but hugged Mrs Weasley again in thanks a little sadly. She didn’t want to leave her new friend. She’d never had a friend before.

Grabbing hold of her trunk, she followed Professor Snape out the door.

“I will send your trunk ahead,” Professor Snape said, and she held it tighter, panicking, it was all she had other than septimes, what if she never saw it again and the Professor vanished too? She’d never be able to find them.

“Let go of you trunk so I can send your trunk to Hogwarts.” He told her in a quiet but not necessarily soft voice. It was strait to the point. Something about his tone and the feel of his presence, his smooth energy, made her want to wearily trust him, and not wasn’t to refuse or disobey. She let go.

She heard a muttering and a swishing of what must have been his wand.

“hold onto your cat tightly” he said and gripped her arm firmly. She flinched. But he didn't let go.

Her sightless eyes widened in panic and immediately remembering all the times the Andersons had gripped her arms like that and the pain that always followed. She tried to get away but as soon as he had gripped her arm, she felt like she was being squeezed though a tight tube, her whole body was constricted she couldn’t hear anything she couldn’t breathe and it absolutely terrified her. She wanted to scream by she couldn’t make a sound. Popping from place to place was so much easier when she did it herself.

As suddenly as it started, it stopped and as she felt the ground under her feet once more as he let go of her. She fell to the ground scurried backward away from Snape, but nauseous over took her and she vomited, until there was nothing left tobring up. Her stomach heaved and she coughed painfully. Struggling to control her heaving and her shallow breathing, terror still filling her mind, she crawled away from Snape slowly.

She sensed Professor Snape couch next to her, “Apparition can be disorientating the first time. Drink this, it will calm your stomach." He said, she flinched but he placed a glass phial in her hand. "Drink" It tasted gross, but she didn't make a face.

“And this one, it is a calming draft.”

Though she was frightened she took it anyway, she was already feeling the nauseous fading away.

“Stand up.” He said

She stood shakily and picked up Septimus as she did so, letting him curl around her neck where he usually sat.

“Have you not participated in Side-along apparition before?”

She had no idea what was, but it was like her popping from place to place but louder and more uncomfortable, and she had no idea where she was for that matter, she could feel firm ground under her feet, not grass like at the Weasley’s, a hard dirt path maybe?

Her confusion must have shown on her face as Professor Snape said, “apparition is a way a witch or wizard can travel instantly from one place to the other. You need a license to do it yourself, and it can be difficult and is very advanced magic you will not learn it until 6th year.”

She frowned, that didn't seem right, if she needed a licence, if it was that advanced why hadn't she gotten in trouble for it, why had she been able to do it at all? Wouldn't the magic police have known and arrested her? But she nodded and followed him as he walked off reaching out and clutching the edge of his robe tightly afraid of getting lost. She could feel him look at her but he said nothing so she didn’t let go. She didn’t want to get lost.

Now she was listening, she could hear the crickets it must be evening. She was hungry too. She followed him onto grass and after a while Septimus’s meow stopped her from falling up stone steps as she could head Snape's footsteps hit something hard and their patten change. She had lost her grip on the side of his robes. She was feeling worried now, a new place, it frightened her. She stopped and slowly put a hand out and inched her foot forward until she found a step, and another and several others. Septimus pawed at her shoulder telling her the steps stopped and she slowly walked forward listening for the sounds of Professor Snape's footsteps. She heard them when they stopped. She hurried to catch up, tripping over the door step but managed to catch herself from falling, reaching out to find the edge of his robe again, but she didn’t find it. She bit her lip, but continued.

They continued inside, she felt the air change and heard heavy wooden door shut behind her. There was so much magic here. It was dizzying. She almost felt like she could reach out and touch it, she stretched out a finger, something brushed against it, the warm tingly feeling she was starting to assosiate with magic flooded her. It was vast and old, and she got so many impressions it was both wonderful and overwhelming, and it made her head ache. The magic was alive, the castle was alive.

“Ah Serverus, you have her safe, Albus wishes to see her.” A female voice met her ears and Lilly tried to put a polite smile on her face, but she was so anxious despite the calming draft that she didn’t think it made it much past a twitch.

She heard Professor Snape begin to walk again hurriedly grabbed the side of his robe and ran to follow him, trying to remember the patten of footsteps and turns and failing dismally. A few times she nearly fell or tripped on a stair, but Professor Snape, surprisingly steadied her. Adults never cared that much before.

Eventually they stopped and Professor Snape muttered “lemon drops,” with a sneer.

She heard a sound of grinding stone and Professor Snape stepped forward, she followed onto a step and to her shock and slight horror started to wind upward. She wobbled but Professor Snape put a hand under her elbow again. She clutched at his sleeve hem tighter. When it stopped moving they stepped out and walked forward before a door she heard Professor Snape knock on.

“enter,” said a old but clear voice from within.

They entered. The office felt powerful. She could hear a clicking and whirring somewhere in a corner and could her a bird ruffling its feathers and soft snoring. How many people where in the office, it didn't feel like there were that meany but it sounded full, full of sleeping people. How odd.

“Welcome to Hogwarts Tiger-Lilly No-Name,” A old voice that held power said.

She didn’t look up from the floor but bit back a glare at the mention of her lack of name. She didn’t know this place she was lost and at their mercy. It frightened her and she could feel both their gazes on her. She shifted nervously biting her lip, letting go of Snape's sleeve. He heard a chuckle from the old voice, and she didn't stop a glare that flitted onto her face. Septimus’s tail twitched at her back providing the only comfort. She wished she had her knife in her hand, but it was in her boot, and she was sure they'd notice it.

“I am professor Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts and you have already meat Professor Snape.” He said kindly

“I just want to ask you some questions. Come and sit down.”

He placed a hand on her shoulder, she fort back a flinch as he lead her to a chair which she sat down and clenched her fists.

“Mrs Weasley tells me you got lost and couldn’t find the platform.” Dumbledore said in a warm voice, that Lilly automatically distrusted. Whenever she had been sent to the headmistress’s office she’d always gotten into a lot of trouble for things she didn’t do or, she’d also gotten into a lot of trouble after those events when she got back to the Anderson’s house.

“Miss Tiger-lilly?” Dumbledore asked, obviously wanting her to confirm his statement.

“Answerer the headmaster child,” Professor Snape said,

She restrained a twitch and nodded.

“Why did you get lost,” Dumbledore asked still in the same kind voice.

Lilly scrunched her nose, and shrugged, not able to explain that she couldn’t see the platform, or that she’d never been to a train station before. She could never admit her weakness, that she had lost her sight.

Dumbledore looked at the blank faced girl in front of him, then at Snape, who gave him a _don’t ask me_ , glare.

“Where were your parents, did they not take you, or did they also not know.” Dumbledore asked

She shook her head, she had no parents, she was alone, and the Andersons certainly wouldn’t have taken her or known even if they had. She had ran away out of their house while they slept and couldn’t stop her. She shuddered to think what they’d do at the end of the term when she had to return for the holidays.

“you need to answer the headmaster child.” Snape said

He watched as she started to shake again, and looked harder at the floor, arms wrapped protectively around herself, she opened her mouth but no words came out.

"Did you get lost?" Professor Snape asked

She nodded

“I guess no-one knew where the platform was?”

She shook her head

“are you muggleborn?”

She shrugged her stomach grumbling loudly.

“well you are just in time the students are about to arrive, so Professor Snape will escort you back to the entrance hall where you will join your peers.”

“not in trouble?” she said in no more than whisper, terrified of being in trouble before the term had even started.

“not at all, there is no shame in getting lost.” Professor Snape replied.

She sagged in relief.

“Oh and is there anything else you would like to tell me?” the headmaster said.

She paused for a moment, panicking, did he know? Could he tell? What would he do if he did. God, could he read minds? Could magic do that? She'd have to find out. She couldn’t give it away, so shook her head.

“oh? And one more thing, what's your name child?” he asked

“Just Tiger-Lilly,” She said

“Oh, well, we can't go calling you Miss no-name? What is your parents last name” Dumbledore asked the small child curiously. When she scrunched her nose and glared frostily, shaking her head again he continued, “well maybe you can pick one” he asked

"Lilly Thorn, my name is Tiger-Lilly Thorn."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to get a bit more done today, probably won't manage another chapter for another day or two.  
> Please Kudos or Comment to let me know if you enjoyed it.


	5. The Storting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilly gets sorted, and tries to find her way around, while not drawing too much attention to herself

Snape took her back down to the entrance hall and she heard someone approach in hard shoes.

“This is Tiger-Lilly Thorn, one of the first years, Professor McGonagall,”

“Ms Thorne, wait here with Professor McGonagall.” Professor Snape said to Lilly could sense him looking at her. Not looking up from the stone floor she couldn’t actually see, she nodded, and reluctantly let go of the edge of his robe.

First years arrived and joined her talking loudly, she heard a strange whooshing noise above, some more voices, accompanied by gasped and cry's but she didn’t know what it was and it did nothing to ease her panic of not knowing what would happen next.

The doors opened and as a group they walked down a corridor in a large room to her right and left she could hear hundreds of voices. She felt so lost she wanted to go home. But home didn't exist?

Professor McGonagall put a stool on the ground by the sound of wooden legs hitting stone and a voice suddenly filled the hall. The hundreds of voices going quiet.

After the song, the professor began to read out names. Thankfully she wasn’t the first and could listen as the first boy walked forward towards the professor and where the song was from. As the names passed she got the impression they were sitting on a stool and biting on a hat, it then yelled a house out. How odd. There seemed to be a long table for each house. Slytherin was on one side, with Gryffindor on the other. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw either side of them.

Her name was next.

"Thorne Tiger-Lilly!"

Trembling, she walked forward slowly but with here head held hight, she clenched her fists, she would not be weak. Septimus pawed her shoulders then pawed at her right, she stoped and turned slowly, then at his pawing sat down. Something large and soft was put on her head and she flinched, then jumped when a voice spoke in her ear.

' _hmm smart and intelligent, but strong and courageous. Cautious, cunning and distrustful. Not Hufflepuff though you're no stranger to hard work. You like learning but it's not the most important thing to you, no that's survival. You're brave but cautious. Wear to put you? Not Ravenclaw. You're harshly practical and cynicism and are distrust trustful by nature, you have been hurt so your cautious and you think before you act, not Gryffindor. You're tuff as old boot nails, but your blindness has made you feel weak.'_

 _'Im not weak,'_ she thought suddenly, anger burning in her. _'I survived 11 years of hell with nothing and no-one but my own wits. I've survived in that hell hole of the orphanage, and on the streets when by "guardians" locked me out and repeatedly abandoned me, or I ran away because it was better on the streets than in their house. I withstood their neglect and abuse and learnt to fight to keep myself in once piece both from bullies and things in the night that creep. I am not weak. My blindness was a devastating blow, but I am getting back to my feet, and don't you dare think me weak. And don't you dare breath a word of this to anyone about it or I'll cut you too pieces and set you on fire'_

 _'Oh-ho'_ it seemed to say with glee, ' _Your mother had your intelligence and drive, she was a Gryffindor, but your cunning and will to survive, your strength is all your father, he was a...'_

' _What? You know my family tell me!'_

 _"SLYTHERIN!"_ The hat shouted.

'B _reath a word about my eyes and I'll set you on fire!'_

But the hat was already being shifted on her head.

 _'_ _Never fear little snake, your secrets are safe'_ the hat said to her as it was lifted off her head.

She was reeling with this new information of her parents, and adrenaline but she stood up, and with a quiet confidence and strength she hasn't been able to find since her sight lost, she stood and walked towards the table.

 

“The loud one,” she murmured softly under her breath to Septimus, and payed close attention to his paws, tail switching and soft meows until she reached a seat that she thought was empty. She pushed magic into her hands, and felt it. It tingled on the left but not in front of her, it must be a spare spot. She smashed her shins against the bench instead and her hand connected with the table. She climbed over the bench and sat down. There was a rustle of movement next to her and some one said, "Welcome to Slytherin Thorn"

She nodded looking down, as Septimus climbed down onto her lap.

There was a lowed cheer from the other side of the hall, and she focused on the sorting.

The sorting ended and silence filled the hall as a Dumbledore's voice filled the hall.

“To our new students welcome, and to our old, welcome back. A few notices before we start our feast.” Lilly paid close attention to his words and was a little disappointed to learn that they had a forest but she was not allowed into it. And that there was a corridor that could kill them. Why on earth would he mention it to a bunch of school children, that was just asking them to go and check it out. Why not just magic it off limits of something.

Suddenly chatter broke out across the hall, as the most wondrous smells filled the hall. She could smell delicious meet roasts, soups, pies and pastas, and so many things that made her mouth water and her stomach grumble. She has eaten lunch with ginny, but after Apparating she had nothing left in her stomach.

She could hear those around her putting food on their plaits but was not sure what food was where and what was in front of her. She was so hungry but did not was to make a mess. She must have hesitated too long because soon the student beside her started putting things on her plait and said, “come on you must be starving, the pie is the best and the roast beef with Yorkshire pudding. The house elves here are amazing.”

"Anyone would think you'd never seen magic before Thorn" a drawling voice came from her other side.

She was ravenous and started eating instead of asking what a house elf was, but they must of seen confusion in her face.

"Gods you're a mud blood!" The drawling boy exclaimed.

"Draco, hold you toung!" Said the the person opposite her.

"A house elf is a small creature that live to serve wizards, they bond to us and work for us. We give them magic, its symbiotic. If you are Muggleborn, you really should read the introductory texts that Professor Snape will put on your bed tonight. We have a rich culture and it's like going to another county, its not the same as your muggle world"

Lilly nodded in thanks and focused on her food, while mentally reading between the lines, catch up fast, don't stand out, Muggleborns are not well liked. A Mudbloods must be another nasty name for a Muggleborn. She tried to listen to conversation around her, and trying not to be offended that some people seemed to shift away from her as if she was tainted now that they said she was Muggleborn.

The Pie she discovered was chicken, mushroom and leek. The beef was indeed amazing, as was the mashed potato and the Yorkshire pudding. It was better then the food she cooked at the Andersons (though she was not a bad cook, just a very young one.) She could not, she discovered finish all that was on her plait, it was too much, and she sat at the table, happy and full for the first time in a long time, just listening to the conversations around her, though not before, carefully slipping some bread roles into her pocket.

Their were gasped and noises of glee suddenly and Lilly looked around pointlessly to try and find out what it was about. She put a hand on the edge of her plat to fine it miraculously clean.

The students around her were exclaiming about the pudding and tart and humbugs. Feeling suddenly brave she put a hand out slowly towards the middle of to the table pushing magic into her finger tip to help her find a bowl, it was hot. pie. She put some on her plate. The apple pie was wonderfull and the chocolate pudding blissful. She had never had half of the things that had been served on the table but they were all wonderfull.

The noise was lessening around the halls as the students now fed, were starting to feel sleepy, and Dumbledores voice rang through the hall again bidding them a good night, and she followed her fellow first years out of the hall after their prefect, down into the Dungeons.

She wandered after the other girls and the female prefect took them down to their dormitory and after missing it once, found her bed. She could hardly stay awake long enough to change into her pyjamas before she fell asleep, tucked in a small ball in the middle of the softest most comfortable bed she had ever slept in, under the warmest blankets when had ever been allowed. Septimus purring happily next to her on her pillow. It was strange sleeping in a bed. She tossed and turned, exhausted but not used to having something so soft to sleep on.

In the end she drew her curtness shut, and took her blanket and pillow and crawled under her bed, it was small, and cramped and spelt of woods, but with wood close above her and next to her, rapped in her warm blankets, she fell asleep.

She woke early the next day, Septimus was not on her pillow and she felt a moment of panicked disorientation. She lay motionless under the bed, listening to what was around her. She could hear breathing, and soft snoring. She wondered what time it was. She did not feel like she had woken earlier than normal. In fact she felt more rested than she had in a while. It must be about 6.30 she thought. She normally rose about then to make breakfast for the Andersons at 8. Breakfast here started at 8 and ran until 9. She had plenty of time to find it. She crawled out of bed, and put her blankets back on her bed, making it up neatly so no-one would know she'd been under it.

She silently crept around the room, mapping it out in her mind, with the help of magic in her fingers and bear feet. She found the bathroom.

There were fluffy towels, and 4 cloths hampers for the washing, and shower cubicles and toilet stalls. The shower water was wonderful hot, and didn't seem to go cold no matter how long she stood there. She washed her hair for the first time in a month and it was wonderful. The Andersons had never let her have a regular shower.

She put her dirty cloths in one hamper, and took it out and placed it next to her trunk so she knew which one was hers, then got dressed into fresh cloths, that seemed to have been landed and pressed over night. They smelt clean, and like roses, and some of of the holes had been darned. Maybe it was house elves.

"Thank you" she whispered. And though the stone floor she felt a warm buzz back as if her thanks was heard and acknowledged.

She got dressed and into her uniform and robes.

She tiptoes around the room, feeling around her space. Her bed seemed to be a big four poster, with thick velvety hangings around it. it was a much bigger bed than her corner in the attic, and she thought it she layed out on it like a star fish, it would still be bigger than her. There was she discovered a bedside table next to her bed on one side, and when she carefully moved around the room she also found the window, between her bed and the bathroom door, and the door to the spiral stair case, at the other end of the room. She silently left the room and walked down the stairs, last night she had tried to count how many stairs but had not been successful. But the Prefect has said they were on the 3rd landing. She counted them on the way down and found herself on a carpeted landing at the bottom. She stoped and listened. All she could hear was the crackling of a fire. She put her hand out and found a wall.

It was quiet, she couldn't hear anyone, and when she pressed her hand against the wall and pushed magic into it, she got a fleeting impression of an empty room, with large fireplaces, smouldering away and lots of tables, armchairs and bookshelves.

There were drapes and some paintings on the to keep the heat in and a notice board. Their were couches and tables under cold windows, tables around the room and squashy arm chairs by the fire where she found Septimus.

She returned to her room, and wandered silently around until she was she was sure she could find her way about it, she unpacked a bit, then explored the common room bit, walking around it, from spot to spot until she was sure she could find her way around it too. Bird with that, she sat down in front of the fire, with her a book from her bag and worked on willing her text books to become brail. If she willed it hard enough surely it would work.

By the time the other Slytherins were starting to rise, she still hadn't manages to fix her book, though she did think the embossing on the cover was a little more pronounced. She thought it may have said potions, but she wasn't sure.

She followed her fellow first years to the great hall trying to remember the way from last night and trying to not get lost.

She found a seat at the Gryffindor table next to know of the other first year girls Daphne, Millicent and Pansy, who was talking excitedly about their classes. Professor Snape had handed out time tables, and being unable to read it, Lilly listened closely to what the others were saying while putting porridge on her plait and feeding Septimus kippers.

 


	6. Classes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first week

Whispers seemed to follow the First Years everywhere. Lilly wasn't really sure what all the fuss was about, but from what she could piece together, Harry Potter was the centre of it all. They seemed to crowd the corridors and watch the first years, Lilly could feel eyes on them, though they were dismissed when they noticed they were Slytherins not Gryffindors. Lilly felt a bit sorry for Potter, she was having enough trouble just trying to concentrate of finding her classes, despite Prefect Farley Leading them around, and Lilly just had to focus on the sound of her footsteps, and her classmates but it was hard with such busy crowded corridors.

There were a hundred and forty-two staircases of all kinds; wide, sweeping ones; narrow, rickety ones; some that led somewhere different on a Friday; some with a vanishing step halfway up that you had to remember to jump. Lilly spent a lot of time counting steps and naming the staircases so she could keep track of where they went when and which steps she had to skip or be carful of. Then there were doors that wouldn't open unless you asked politely, or tickled them in exactly the right place, and doors that weren't really doors at all, but solid walls just pretending. At least the doors that were not actually doors felt different. No one mentioned it, but Lilly was starting to notice that the magic of Hogwarts felt subtly different when the stairs were about to move, or when a door was not a door. She kept quiet about it, but concentrated on it, and tried desperately to focus on it and remember it. If she could feel the magic of Hogwarts maybe she could use it to help herself find her classes.

It was also very hard to remember where anything was, because it all seemed to move around a lot. There seemed to be pictures on the wall that talked, something that supposed her so much, her peers sneered at her "obvious muggle-ness" The were coats of armer lining the halls, that she was sure could walk, and had heard clanking in the distance but she had never actually caught. The ghosts didn't help, either. It was always a nasty shock when one of them glided suddenly through a door you were trying to open or through you, they didn't hurt but it was like a bucket of ice water being tipped on you. The bloody Barron their house whose hadn't said a word to them, but his particular ghostly aura felt colder and heavier than the others, like he was weighed down by regret. Lilly kept meaning to ask him his name. Surely he wasn't just called the Bloody Barron.

Some Ghosts where happy to point you in the right direction if you asked politely, but Peeves the Poltergeist was worth two locked doors and a trick staircase if you met him when you were late for class. He would drop wastepaper baskets on your head, pull rugs from under your feet, pelt you with bits of chalk, or sneak up behind you, invisible, grab your nose, and screech, "GOT YOUR CONK!" Even worse than Peeves, if that was possible, was the caretaker, Argus Filch. Lilly had gotten lost one day on the way down to dinner and was working on picking the lock on the door, (it was harder here, she couldn't just push them open with magic, but she'd found if she used her lock picks and coaxed the magic into the lock mechanisms it worked some of the time. But it turned out it was the forbidden 3rd floor corridor, and he wouldn't believe she were lost, was sure they were trying to break into it on purpose, and was threatening to lock her up in the dungeons when she were rescued by Professor Snape, who was passing. She was so relieved, as she had been so close to pulling her knife and threatening Filch into leaving her alone. He'd terrified her with his threats of locking her up and hanging her from thumb screws. She was shaking by the time Snape came past.

Filch owned a cat called Mrs. Norris, Septimus seemed to like her, but she hated Lilly, seemingly on principal of her being a student, despite Lilly trying to say hello and offer her a bit of the kippers from breakfast that she had keep for Septimus.

Mrs Norris patrolled the corridors alone. Break a rule in front of her, put just one toe out of line, and she'd whisk off for Filch, who'd appear, wheezing, two seconds later. Filch knew the secret passageways of the school better than anyone (gosh she wanted to find Hogwarts secrets and learn them) and could pop up as suddenly as any of the ghosts. The students all seemed to hated him, and it was the dearest ambition of many to give Mrs. Norris a good kick.

And then, once you had managed to find them, there were the classes themselves. There was a lot more to magic, Lilly discovered, then waving a wand, and saying something in latin. Though she still thought just pushing it and wishing seemed to work for her, just fine,she didn't think her teachers would agree.

They had to study the night skies through their telescopes every Wednesday at midnight and learn the names of different stars and the movements of the planets. While it sounded fascinating, and Lilly listened attentively to all the theory and the stories Professor Sinistra told them about the constellations, she couldn't see the stars. She was absolutely hopeless at finding anything in her telescope or drawing star charts, to the Professors annoyance.

"Just try a little harder next time dear," she'd said at the end of the lesson, and Lilly was both terrified she'd be found out and kicked out, and irritated that she was expected to do something she just couldn't.

Three times a week they went out to the greenhouses behind the castle to study Herbology, with a plump little witch called Professor Sprout, where they learned how to take care of all the strange plants and fungi, and found out what they were used for. It was absolutely brilliant, and so far, it didn't seem to matter at all that Lilly couldn't see, she could feel it out, and if she focused the magic in her hands, she could sense the magic in the plants themselves. Some where easer than others but she could do it. And she loved it, playing with plants in the dirt, to the great distain of her housemates.

Easily the most boring class was History of Magic, by reputation, which was the only one taught by a ghost. Professor Binns was said to have been very old indeed when he had fallen asleep in front of the staff room fire and got up next morning to teach, leaving his body behind him. Binns droned on and on while most of the class scribbled down names and dates, and got Emetic the Evil and Uric the Oddball mixed up. But after realising Professor Bins didn't really pay much attention to his students, Lilly just sat back and listened attentively, trying to remember everything he said. He did have a bit of a droning monotonous voice, which did make her a little drowsy, but when she focused on what he was actually saying, Wizarding history was fascinating!

Professor Flitwick, the Charms teacher, was a tiny little wizard who had to stand on a pile of books to see over his desk. At the start of their first class he took the roll call, and when he reached Potter's name he gave an excited squeak and by the sounds of it toppled out of sight. The first charm they leant after loads and loads of complex and fascinating theory was Lumos. And Lilly still had no idea if she'd got it right or not. She could channel the magic into her wand, and stutter out the incantation, in a wispy voice, but she could see if it worked, and her pronunciation was so bad, due to her anxiety about speaking, that she ended up just chanting it in her head instead. She thought it may have worked at the end of the lesson but she wasn't sure.

Professor McGonagall was again different. She was right to think she wasn't a teacher to cross. Strict and clever, she gave them a talking-to the moment they sat down in her first class.

"Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogwarts," she said. "Anyone messing around in my class will leave and not come back. You have been warned."

Then she flicked her wand, and did something at the front of the class, that resulted in something making a Pig noise. It defiantly impressed her peers, but left Lilly confused. She couldn't wait to get started. Soon realised they weren't going to be doing anything like whatever it had been for a long time. After taking a lot of complicated notes, that Lilly struggled both to manage to write down and understand and remember while doing it, they were each given a match and started trying to turn it into a needle. By the end of the lesson, only Lilly and Granger had made any difference to her match; Professor McGonagall showed the class how it had gone all silver and pointy and gave Granger a 5 points. Lilly thought hers felt smoother and cooler, not metal, but definitely no longer wood, though it still felt like it was the shape of a match. She pocketed her match and a few spares, and vowed to practice. Not that she was sure when she would use the spell, the fact it was possible seemed brilliant.

The class everyone had really been looking forward to was Defense Against the Dark Arts, but Quirrell's lessons turned out to be a bit of a joke. His classroom smelled strongly of garlic, and made her head ache. Everyone said was to ward off a vampire he'd met in Romania and was afraid would be coming back to get him one of these days. His turban, he told them, had been given to him by an African prince as a thank-you for getting rid of a troublesome zombie, but they weren't sure they believed this story. For one thing, when Finnigan asked eagerly to hear how Quirrell had fought off the zombie, Quirrell stuttered incoherently and started talking about the weather; for another, they had noticed that a funny smell hung around the turban, and Lilly heard the Weasley twins insisting one morning at breakfast that it was stuffed full of garlic as well, so that Quirrell was protected wherever he went. Lilly was very relieved to find out that she wasn't miles behind everyone else. Lots of people had come from Muggle families and, like him, hadn't had any idea that they were witches and wizards. There was so much to learn that even people like Malfoy and most of the other Slytherins that were wizard raised didn't have much of a head start class wise. But there was a lot culturally she didn't know.

On Friday Lilly she had finally made it down to the great hall all by herself, and only took a wrong turn once.

She had potions first thing, with the Gryfindores. She was looking forward to potions with her head of house.

Just then, the mail arrived. She still hadn't gotten used to it, and jumped so hard she almost toppled of her bench when a feathery missile hit her in the face. She caught it just before it hit her, but it did startle her.

"Oi! What are you doing with Errol!" A loud voice called from the Gryffindor table.

Feet pounding... someone stopped next to her. She help the owl up. Was it there's?

"Oh, what's ginny writing to you for?" A boy that sounded her age asked, probably Ron then, she thought.

She shrugged, not sure what to say, but took the letter from the tired owls leg, and put it in her pocket before, righting a few of the owls feathers and handing him over to the boy and turning back to her breakfast, dully. She really wanted to read the letter, she'd never had anyone to write too. She really wanted to write one back. But what would she say, when she could read it. Would she even be able to write legibly with a quill if she couldn't see? She finished her toast and got up with the rest of her pears. She was still getting lost a lot, she couldn't afford to be left behind.

Potions lessons took place down in one of the dungeons. It was colder here than up in the main castle, and would have been quite creepy enough without the pickled animals floating in glass jars all around the walls.

Snape, like Flitwick, started the class by taking the roll call, and like Flitwick, he paused at Potters name.

"Ah, Yes," he said softly, "Harry Potter. Our new -- celebrity."

Lilly sat quietly as Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle sniggered behind their hands. Snape finished calling the names and looked up at the class. His eyes were black like Hagrid's, but they had none of Hagrid's warmth. They were cold and empty and made you think of dark tunnels. "You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion making," he began. He spoke in barely more than a whisper, but they caught every word -- like Professor McGonagall, Snape had the gift of keeping a class silent without effort.

"As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses.... I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death -- if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."

More silence followed this little speech.

Lilly hang off his every word, desperate longing and excited to delve into the art. It sounded beautiful and fascinating, and she did not want her head of house to think her a dunderhead.

"Potter!" said Snape suddenly making Lilly Jump. "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

Lilly wasn't sure what potion you'd get but Asphodel was 'my regrets follow you to the grave,' and Wormwood, was 'Bitter Regret'. But Lilly didn't think Professor Snape would appreciate her saying, you bitterly regret the death of someone deeply important to you. Maybe Potter's parents? Maybe they were friends? But then she had heard Potter looked like his Dad and Snape seemed to hate Potter, though just at breakfast she heard someone saying that Snape hated Potter Snr. So it must be his mum, Snape must have been friends with her, what was her name again? Snape had a stern cold demeanour, but it just screamed at her as he walked past, rounding on potter; sorrow, such bitter sorrow, regret and such heartbreaking guilt. It made her gasp with it. Daphne elbowed her from where she was net to her.

"Pay attention, Thorn or you'll loose us more points!" She hissed, "this will be good, he hates Gryffindors!"

"Tut, tut -- fame clearly isn't everything." Snape sneered and she turned her attention back to him

"Let's try again. Potter, where would you look if I told you to find me

a bezoar?"

Lilly could hear Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, tittering with near silent laughter.

"I don't know, sit."

"Thought you wouldn't open a book before coming, eh, Potter?" Potter didn't say anything but Lilly just knew he was getting angry.

"What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

At this, Lilly heard a chair being scrapped back as someone stood up. She winces, that can not go down well.

"I don't know," said Potter with forced calm. "I think Hermione does, though, why don't you try her?"

A few people laughed; but Lilly could tell Snape wasn't pleased, why did Potter talk back, was he stupid? You didn't talk back to adults they were dangerous.

"Sit down," Snape snapped at Granger. "For your information, Potter, asphodel and wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death. A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. As for monkshood and wolfsbane, they are the same plant, which also goes by the name of aconite. Well? Why aren't you all copying that down?"

There was a sudden rummaging for quills and parchment. Oh man, now she had to tackle writing with a quill again. She still sucked at it, but she was starting to get the hang of telling when it was running out of ink, it didn't mean it was any easier, and it still didn't mean, she could read it (nor could anyone else.)

Over the noise, Snape said, "And a point will be taken from Gryffindor House for your cheek, Potter."

That was it? Lilly wasn't sure whether to be released or not.

Things didn't improve for the Gryffindors as the Potions lesson continued, or for Lilly. Snape put them all into pairs and set them to mixing up a simple potion to cure boils. Pansy sent her to get the ingredients but not being able to reed the book, she had no idea what to grab and ended up just standing in the supply cupboard being overwhelmed by the heady magic of it, it didn't even seem to be ordered in any particular way, things hanging, things in jars and in draws, things that felt week, next to things that felt vaguely dangerous, things that felt sluggish next to something Lilly could have sworn screamed power. Pansy pushed her out of the way, causing her to fall, and grabbed a bunch of things from different places in the store cupboard.

"God how useless are you Mudblood," spat Pansy as she left.

Lilly went back to the table, hands clench, shaking with repressed anger and humiliation.

"Grind that up," snapped Pansy, shoving a jar at her. Lilly got to work. Feeling for the magic in the ingredients and trying to figure out how they went together.

Snape swept around in his long black cloak, watching them weigh dried nettles and crush snake fangs, criticising almost everyone except Malfoy, whom he seemed to like. He was just telling everyone to look at the perfect way Malfoy had stewed his horned slugs when hiss, and something started smoking, followed by an even louder hissing noise, as something glooped onto the floor. Longbottom had somehow managed to melt Finnigan's cauldron into a twisted blob, and their potion was seeping across the stone floor, burning holes in people's shoes. Within seconds, the whole class was standing on their stools while Longbottom, who was whimpering andmoaning in pain as angry red boils sprang up all over his arms and legs.

"Idiot boy!" snarled Snape, clearing the spilled potion away with one wave of his wand.

"I suppose you added the porcupine quills before taking the cauldron off the fire?" 

Longbottom whimpered as boils started to pop up all over his nose.

"Take him up to the hospital wing," Snape spat at Seamus. Then he rounded on Potter and Weasley, who had been working next to Longbottom.

"You - Potter - why didn't you tell him not to add the quills? Thought he'd make you look good if he got it wrong, did you? That's another point you've lost for Gryffindor."

That seemed unfair, Lilly thought, slumping in here chair slightly, she thought he was going to be a good teacher, maybe even fair. Guess she must have been wrong.

"Don't push it," she heard someone mutter, mist be Weasley, "I've heard Snape can turn very nasty."

An hour later they trouped out of the dungeons and up to the great hall for lunch, Lillys mind was racing and his spirits were low. She had tried to help with the potion but screwed it up and got detention, and pansy had yelled at her. Her housemates weren't talking to her.

God, she was just trying to help, Pansy had been going to take if off the heat too soon, and it hadn't right yet. Lilly stopped her, but pansy nocked over the spare snake fangs spoiling the potion. It had blown up, splattering everywhere, but a quick flick of a wand, Snape vanished most of it before anyone got boils. Lilly had some on her hands, but her long sleeves covered them. Now that she knew what the ingredients felt and smelled like, maybe she could try brewing it again, and use it to get rid of the boils. She serenely wasn't going to ask someone else. She pondered it all the way up to lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry bit of a short one, and a filler at that, but it was necessary.
> 
> I'll see if I can manage another chapter in the next few days.


End file.
